Clarity of thought

I have had an interesting week – obviously since I didn’t really post much. I typically like to use my blog as somewhat of a “guess what happened today” or “hmmm, just been thinking about this” area for posting, and this week I’ve had too much overstimulation to just be able to consolidate my thoughts each day.

Here’s my week in review: Labor Day – yeah, no work, no school for Caden, and just spent the day relaxing, playing mini-golf at Cherry Hill, and trying to get over this crazy stomach issue that pretty much made every type of food just so unappealing to me. Tuesday was my birthday and it was a great day. I enjoyed the attention I got from co-workers, my annual birthday lunch out with my parents, and all the well wishes from other friends and family. Wednesday was a crazy work day – felt like I had to work 15 hours just to get everything done. Thursday I went to lunch with J.S. at Thanksgiving Point, had a great time, thought “Hmmm, maybe something will finally happen between the two of us”, and then had a phone conversation with him later that afternoon that blew up that idea (sigh). Friday I went out to dinner with J.T. and enjoyed myself immensely. He met Caden for the first time and was just such a cool guy with him. Caden did remark after he left, “I like him – he seems nice.”

That is the extremely condensed version of what I went through this week but the undercurrent of it all was: I ate out pretty much every day this week…and sad to say my appetite was still lacking. I couldn’t really enjoy it very much as I just picked at food and tried not to look ill at ease on my dates. I also had major emotional swings – from being high, to being low, and being really high again, to coming back down to the dregs of emotional suffering. I know, I know – it sounds dramatic. But it’s kind of how I feel at this point.

This morning I took a quick run, only 3.5 miles, around where I live to just clear my head and enjoy the morning air. The various songs on my iPod seemed to match my mood, helping me alternate my tempo as I pushed through the various emotions I seemed to experience this week. Elation, frustration, pure joy, anger, excitement, and disappointment. At the end of it all, I realized that life is really not so bad for me. I have great health, a good job, a wonderful place to live, and plenty of people who love, care about, and support me in whatever I do. Sometimes (ha! what am I saying – MOST times) things don’t work out as we planned or expected them to, even if a situation appears to be so obvious (I know I’m being cryptic here a bit, but it’s for good reason). In the end, we all have to keep plugging along, putting one foot in front of the other and not allow circumstances beyond our control to keep us from feeling fulfilled and happy about our lives. I’m so glad running can help give me the opportunity to re-focus and let go. As long as I can keep putting one foot in front of the other.