Feasibility and frustration

I am frustrated. Deeply, deeply frustrated. Why? Because I am waaaaaay behind on my marathon training thanks to me rolling my ankle back in mid-February playing volleyball. The frustration has not only grown from rolling my ankle, but also from the fact that it was on the same leg that suffered a crushing blow from a Greek scooter last June (and is still quite numb). I have coddled, cajoled, and carefully nurtured my ankle/leg so that I could somehow come up to speed for my first marathon coming up in three weeks. I am learning that my body has other ideas…so the feasibility of doing this first marathon has become a GREAT frustration.

Aaaaaaarrrggggggghhhhhh.

I have decided that I am still going to go for it, even though when I get to about 10 miles in distance I am in so much pain in the vicinity of my ankle that I want to cry. I keep doing mental exercises, trying to strengthen my resolve and convince my somewhat gimpy physical frame that this is possible. But to be honest, I AM TOTALLY FREAKED OUT ABOUT THIS RACE.

I don’t want to not finish a race.

I don’t want to injure  myself any further.

I don’t want to not try because who knows what may happen?

I don’t want to think about this stupid physical roadblock anymore.

Sigh.

Maybe I will find some miracle cure in the next three weeks that will give me the ability to run for miles and miles without feeling pain, without much swelling, and minimal blisterage (yeah, that’s a technical term). I’m not a caffeine drinker per se so maybe flooding my veins with explosive molecules of some over-amped liquid will cause my legs to run pell mell.

Maybe.

I am going to run. Just wish I knew how far…

Oh, and p.s. Nike Women’s Marathon–How in the world could you NOT pick either my cousin, April, or myself for the race in October?? I was counting on that Tiffany’s necklace to keep me motivated all summer long! Dang you, cruel, cruel lottery rules! Now all I have to hope for is that maybe I might be a winner in the Nike+ challenge online to potentially have a chance to purchase an entry for me and a friend. That is if I am one of 446 runners to be in the top 100 mileage-wise for 30 days. All just so I have the chance to be selected to purchase an entry. Dumb rules. Just let me in already!

Man, I really wanted to cross a finish line dotted with men decked out in tuxedos and holding silver trays of little blue boxes. I guess I will just have to hire a guy to dress up at a finish line for me sometime this summer…and holding a little blue box would be totally cool, too. 🙂

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