I went on a date with a guy a couple of weeks ago who has been one of those who persist in thinking we will eventually work out. I’ve known him for about four years and while we are great friends, I don’t see anything else coming of this relationship. Ever. But in his mind all he has to do is keep bugging me and eventually he will wear me down.
Take our date, for instance. I actually considered it more of a Friends Dinner than A Date because I have no “feelings” towards him. And he knows this. But ah, the male ego – how doth it bloat and make weak things such as “a snowball’s chance in hell” into a 50/50 chance. Ha.
Evan (not his real name): “It’s been too long! Why don’t you see me more? I am the coolest guy you know, right?”
Moi: “Oh yeah, definitely the coolest. Thus why after four years of knowing you I only consent to dinner once a year and the occasional email.”
Evan: “I think it’s because you are scared of me. I’m too real for you.” (all said with a surreptitious smile)
Moi (after dramatic eye rolling): “Yes, Evan, you are oh so too real for me. Do you even know what you mean by that? Or are you just trying to impress me with wordplay?”
Ah, Evan. Evan, Evan, Evan, you just think by coming along and throwing compliments my way every 6-8 months or so that I will fall at your knees like every other female being who finds you as attractive, dashing, and successful as you know and think that you are. Personally, I think I am just a challenge for you that you refuse to give up on. Sadly for you, I am not interested one iota. Yet you fail to realize this time and time again. I decided to take a much more direct approach to Evan.
Moi: “Seriously, do you honestly think we would ever work out? You LOVE having women adore you, you are insanely vain as evidenced by your twice a day workouts [he is a triathlete, I’ll give him that] the fact that I’m pretty sure you took twice as long to get ready for tonight compared to me—”
Evan: “Yes, but you already look beautiful. You don’t need that much time. Me? (points to his body, motioning up and down) This takes work, baby. I can’t look this good without some effort. You…you’re effortless.”
Moi: “Well, thank you, but back to my point. We have fun, share sharp banter, but honestly? The idea that we would or could ever somehow be a couple is just pure conjecture on your part. It doesn’t make sense. And I think you know it but you love the thrill of the chase because I don’t give you what you want and you are convinced that at some point down the road, I will break and you can throw up the victory sign. We are FRIENDS – always have been and always will. Not too mention I am just too brilliant for you. I don’t think you could ever keep up.” (said with a smile)
Evan (laughing): Oh my gosh, do you know how much I totally adore you? You crack me up! Angie, why can’t you just marry me already?”
Moi: “You mean besides the fact that I’m not in love with you, we’ve only seen each other maybe 4 or 5 times in the past four years, we hardly talk ever except for those out-of-the-blue emails and all that jazz?”
Evan (leaning forward on his elbow, smiling wide): “Yeah, seriously, besides all of that, why wouldn’t you want to marry somebody like me?”
I smiled, leaned in, and whispered, “Because I really, really can’t stand you.”
I will say this for Evan. He is good for a nice meal once a year. 🙂