Dear Makers of Sudafed,
I bought your product the other day because I read somewhere on the box that it would help my stuffy nose and sinus headache. Yes! I was thrilled that purchasing a small box of your pills (which, by the way, are not my favorite things—hate pills, would love for you to come out with a patch version for skin) would provide me some relief for my growing discomfort. I left my local grocery store full of optimistic certainty in short time I would be at ease.
Three hours later I was heading back down to the store. I had no change in status. Nose? Still running. Sinus headache? Still there. I think perhaps my head was even slightly worse. Crap. I’m trying something new.
Change the marketing on your box. Instead of “cold relief”, try “cold antagonizer”. Masochistic people everywhere will thank you.
another 5 hours later
Dear Makers of DayQuil,
I just had to let you know that I recently purchased your product after being let down by another of your competitors. I won’t tell you who it is except to say they start with an “S” and end with “udafed”. Since I had a less than enthusiastic response to their particular pills, I thought I would go with you. My symptoms were extreme sinus pressure on the left side of my head/face/neck. I”m fairly certain I was close to losing my hearing and my teeth were becoming so loose they could’ve fallen out at any moment. Needless to say, I had high hopes for your medical concoction (also, could you come up with a patch version of your product? some of us really hate to take pills…).
Six hours later my nose is raw from becoming too acquainted with my Puffs aloe-medicated tissues. My nose has not stopped running and my left eye is leaking–not tearing, LEAKING–with such consistency I could place bets on how much liquid I would be able to gather. My guess is half a cup.
Ummmm, what the ________???? HELP me! Don’t make it worse! Now not only do I have a crappy sinus infection, growing body chills, and a leaky face, I am developing into the human version of this doll:
yet another 4 hours later…
Dear Makers of Afrin,
Please, for the love of all that is holy, may your medication WORK for me! I have tried various versions of other cold/sinus pain relief medication and I am hoping and praying that your spray version might infiltrate the bacteria that is making my life soooo fantastic right now. I have to applaud you for creating something NOT in pill form. I don’t have to worry about gagging on it.
I do have a question on how your product is exactly supposed to work. I mean, I shove this thing up my nose, depress the little pushy-thingy, and a sharp, tingly sensation starts to spread throughout my nasal cavity? If having the sensation of tiny stabbing needles spread up into the very recesses of my brain is supposed to distract me from the pain for which I had originally purchased your product for, I’m not sure I’m too keen on those type of results. I want RELIEF not more OH-MY-GOSH-I-WANT-TO-DIE feelings of badness.
Sigh…I am now almost $23 into cold medicine. You guys suck.
somewhere along the way
Dear Makers of…man, I can’t even remember what the last thing was I took,
So, I first have to tell you that at the very least, you provided me some relief because I was completely knocked out from your medication. I actually had some sleep for the first time in days! Thank you for that! However, could you figure out a way to not SUCK every bit of moisture out of my body as a perhaps not-so-intended side effect? I woke up from a long 2 hour nap trying to swallow…but my throat stuck together because it was so dry. And my eyes made a scratching sound when I blinked. Ow.
My nose is now dry, too, but I’m afraid to sniff in case I split open the inside. It feels like the Sahara Desert in there. Still have that dang sinus pressure, too.
I’m starting to wonder if all of you medicine makers are really just one big company designed to keep us coming back to try the next thing in hopes it solves the pain as it evolves and revolves around and around again. Yeah…I think I should just be writing one big letter.
After days of taking 6 different varieties of medication, I”m still no better. In fact, I’m worse. Thank you very much for exacerbating the situation. Happy Freaking Holidays.
I want my $36 back.