“Begin at the beginning and go on until you come to the end; then stop”

I had a rather fascinating discussion with my trainer, Jane, tonight after she brought me to my knees with a killer workout. Jane and I, we are like two peas in a pod, both wondering what the heck kind of journey we are on at the moment and whether or not we’ll actually find true meaning in our experiences.

We both scratch our heads over the job situation. She debates over the merits of being a trainer, something she never thought to do, and something that does not really pay the bills. Yet she enjoys it immensely and loves helping people transform their lives. She knows it’s not a forever position but she knows she was placed there at the right time and in the right place for a very specific reason.

I know this too, because the day I met Jane at the gym, I had had a terribly awful, distraught-inducing, bang-my-head-against-the-wall kind of day. Well, week actually. I was desperate for someone to talk to without even being aware of it myself. Then there was Jane. Bubbly, warm, and entirely the most ridiculously easy person to talk to. I didn’t even know she was a trainer until 45 minutes into our conversation.

We’ve become fast friends and we talk about deeply meaningful things like spirituality, our own significance, the audacity to plan our lives out, and how to get killer rock hard abs. I feel like my sessions with her not only tone my body, they tone my soul. My very spirit is uplifted when I get done working out with her.

As Jane contemplates why she’s found this unlikely path of personal training (for the time being), I am contemplating a future of “What in the world am I going to do come January?” Yes, I have considered that it is entirely nutso to leave a job that loves me, that is begging me to move, that finally figured out what my areas of expertise were after placing me in all the wrong projects for the first 2 years of my career there. They really do adore me and that is high praise indeed for people who are notoriously competitive and seek to be the pedestal king or queen on a daily basis.

So am I crazy?

On the other hand, I feel as if I need to stay put, that something else will come along that will provide a whole new opportunity for me to grow and develop my career. Yet my discouragement is growing as I apply for job after job and have only had one interview–and not even for a job I really wanted.

Faith is such a funny thing. You don’t really think about it too much until it is tried. Believing in something without knowing the answer or the ending is sometimes a difficult pill to swallow when you see a bill come to your house every month and you are starting to wonder about the ability to pay them in short time. Logic says “Take the job you have! You can live by your sister! Experience a new state! Grow in your current position!” The opposite of logic? “Trust your feelings. Believe things will work out. Be positive and stay focused.”

Hmmm…

There is excitement in the unknown, not knowing what may be just around the corner. Still, there is contentment over knowing what I could mostly expect if I move. It’s one of the great moments of life–having two choices and knowing either one could turn out well…it’s just deciding which one to pick…

Crap.

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One comment

  1. april · November 20, 2009

    You are so amazing Angie!! Everything will work out the way its suppose to. Just remember, Moses and the Children of Isreal had to go into the Red Sea FIRST and THEN the Lord parted the waves. I keep reminding myself of that, to take the first few steps forward on faith and trust it will work out!
    Ps…i hear there is a party at your parent’s house!!! Can’t wait!!!

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