It’s a Monday. Yippee skippee! So thrilled to be beginning a whole new week of fun and joy and meetings and soccer games and baseball games and running and writing and leaping tall buildings with a single bound and showing my house again and again and again. Whew! That’s pretty much what I have to look forward to this week. And I am totally up for it.
Although, I feel a bit sleep deprived so I would like to make that up somehow. Since last Friday night, I have not really slept well – at all. Tossing and turning, tossing and turning. I wish there was some magic switch by the side of my ear where I could just turn off my brain for a night. No thoughts. No dreams. Just absolute stillness.
Friday night was awful, I think I maybe slept two hours IF that. Not a good thing when you are getting up at 5:30 in the morning to go run a half marathon. Sleep is your friend, your buddy, your secret weapon to feeling refreshed and ready to go. Instead I flipped and flopped, stared at my phone, counted veins in my hand, ran through a gamut of emotions, and then found myself sitting on my stairs at 5:15 rocking back and forth and asking, “Should I really be going to run 13.1 miles this morning when I feel so…so…weird? And completely emotional?” For about 45 minutes I debated on what to do, and then realized I would absolutely regret it if I didn’t go (even if I did feel like an empty shell).
And I did it! I rode TRAX up to the starting line, just about hyperventilating the entire time because people were jammed in there like snakes in a can ready to pop. Hi, I’m Angie, and I’m a claustrophobe. Hell to me is taking a 22 minute train ride with 8 people smashed right up against my person (personal space! where in the *@#% is my personal space?!??!) which removes all politeness from a situation (you can’t help but bump somebody somewhere inappropriate because there’s no room to move), no air flowing ANYWHERE (windows? we can’t crack a few people?), and the smell of sweat, energy bars, and sunscreen permeating what little oxygen I am left with. Needless to say, I practically LEAPED out of that car when we arrived up by the U.
I found my friend and co-worker George at the starting line. Well, actually he found me and we gave each other a hug and wished each other luck. He was doing the half marathon too, and we started to discuss what we’re all dealing with at our company right now. We both got a little emotional at one point because it’s just a constant weight on your mind, an elephant load of stress sitting on your chest and shoulders as you try to figure out what to do. George was battling with the fact that he would be leaving his mother here in Utah to move to Arizona. I told him I was battling with the fact of not knowing if I might be getting married or moving and leaving family and friends behind. Thankfully for George, he has made the decision: he and his partner are moving to Arizona. He gave me another hug and said he hoped I could have peace and clarity in my decision making process soon. I smiled and tried to not let the tears that clouded my eyes escape and reveal just how hard this whole situation is for me.
Running this half marathon was more of an emotional battle than anything. Well, except for that last 2.5 miles. THAT was physical. Who in the heck changed the freaking course so that at the END of the race you climb up State Street all the way to South Temple??? Oh my gosh, I wanted to smack somebody. (I’ve done the half once before and the marathon, and the old route is BETTER). All I knew about my run Saturday was that I needed to run to boost my spirits, to clear my head, and let go.
I took the approach that this was just a training run and I was going to keep a slow and steady pace all the way. Which I did. As people passed me and I wanted to start pushing myself harder, I kept having to remind myself that I needed the time in my head and I should go S-L-O-W. Getting a specific time was not my goal; finishing was. That and adding mileage to my weekly training. 🙂
Running always does me a world of good. Even though I didn’t have some great epiphany this past weekend, it did help relieve some stress. If I can only get around to sleeping better…
p.s. This song keeps playing over and over in my head. The lyrics are exactly how I feel lately. Plus, I just love this song (and am really trying hard to learn it on my baby blue guitar).