Kidtarded – “I don’t know how it happened…”

Yesterday, I received a phone call 20 minutes before I was supposed to hop into a 3 hour meeting. I could see it was my son’s school calling so I almost didn’t answer because they routinely send out mass recorded calls with information on school events.


“Mom? Hey, can you bring me new pants?”

“Pants? Why do you need new pants? What happened?”

“My pants ripped so I just…um…I just need new pants (background giggling can be heard) Quiet guys! Mom, please? Can you bring me new pants?”

“If you ripped your pants just tape them together, Caden. I can’t come bring you new pants because it would take me an hour to get home, get pants, and then bring them to you. Maybe you can call Natalie and see if she can help you but you may be stuck, bud.”

“Aaargh! MOM! (grumble, grumble, whine, whine) Fine – what’s Natalie’s number?”

I gave him my sister’s cell and didn’t think another think of it (thanks to a busy day of meetings) until I got home to pick up Caden and saw the allegedly ripped pants. All I have to say is how in the world did he rip his pants like THIS???


Ummmm, the rip goes from the bottom of his pants all the way up to the pocket on his skinny little butt. I know they’ve been playing a lot of “tag” at recess with the girls and the boys, but MAN, those girls are pretty dang aggressive! 🙂 

Darn that kid. Those were some good pants, too. Of course, when I questioned Caden on how in the world this happened, he just rolled his eyes, threw up his hands and said, “I don’t know how it happened, Mom!” “Are you telling me that your pants just spontaneously ripped all the way up your leg for no reason at all? Did you bend over? Did you get caught on something? Did a girl try to tackle you and snag your pants? Did someone follow you around with scissors without your knowledge? Seriously, Caden, what was it?” “Unnnh, Mom, I. Don’t. Know.” Kidtarded. Right there.

Natalie did the Super Aunt job of bringing Caden some new pants. She did tell me later that she originally thought his phone call was a prank call. It is, of course, April Fool’s. But I’ve got picture proof above so this ain’t no joke on you. Just a dang joke on my wallet. 

I think I could become a millionaire if I could invent a pill kids could take that would prevent them from becoming kidtarded. It would help them “remember” what actually happened instead of suddenly having rapid onset Kids Alzheimers disease. “Who broke this?”  “I don’t know, it wasn’t me.” Insert pill in mouth. “Oh wait, Mom, it was me. I remember now.” Oooooo, think of all the possibilities…


One comment

  1. Amy Goeser · April 1, 2009

    Wait until you have 2 boys and they are blaming each other! Its RAD!! If you ever do come up with that pill, I will be the first one in line to buy it!!

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