Where’s my transvestite hairdresser when I need him?

See this? This is a head FULL of layers. And was not exactly what I was expecting in the haircut I got last week. 

layered-hair

Sigh…this latest haircut came out of a necessity to just trim off the dead ends. When I need just a “trim”, I usually head to my local Fantastic Sams by my office. When I need a style, color, and more, I head to my local spa club to get the works. I just don’t want to pay $40 plus tip for a trim when I can get the same thing for $16 at Sams. And it became totally worth the money when I met “Nick”.

A few months ago, I headed into FS just to get my typical upkeep trim. The girl behind the counter was very nice with quite the couture haircut. She said, “I can take you back right now, sweetie” and she showed me to her open chair. As I followed behind her, I started to think, ‘hmmm, something’s not quite right’. Ask anyone who’s ever had a “she/he” experience and they will say that little alarms start to go off with your senses – there are all these conflicting signals, visual cues being thrown back at you: feminine demeanor, no hips, pretty hair, high falsetto voice, eyes made up like Tammy Faye, no chest (or a questionable chest, you know, depending on girth), and the tell-tale Adams Apple. Your mind takes all of these in and you try to make sure you determined “Yes, it’s a woman. No, wait, it’s a man. Well, I think it’s a man…maybe it’s a woman…a really ugly woman…or pretty man.” 

That’s what pummeled my brain as “Nick” {that’s the other problem – they always have a boy/girl name too!} took me back to the sink to wash my hair. It was his hands that eventually gave him away. Definitely man hands. Although according to Seinfeld women can have man hands too…

However, back in the cutting chair I still was trying to sort it out. I didn’t want to make any reference using “girl” pronouns in case he/she just might be a cross dresser and still thought of himself/herself as a man but just liked to wear footless tights, deep plunging v-neck sweaters, and gold bracelets up to his/her elbows. But I couldn’t use “boy” pronouns either! I was so confused and yet had the most delightful chat with him/her. She/he was hilarious and I remember a large portion of our conversation centering around rotten tomatoes and food poisoning {during that tomato recall scare} and long hair down to your waist being acceptable only if you were a polygamist’s wife {just my two cents}.

When “Nick” finished with designing my hair, I was in awe. It was fabulous and totally unexpected. And I’ve been going to him/her for trims ever since. However, last week when I dropped in just spur of the moment, he/she was busy and I got the OTHER girl. I only had my lunch hour so she would have to do.

Why is it when you tell a stylist what you want, they most often just do what THEY want to do? And you sit there wondering, “Why did you ask me what I wanted if you were just going to get all creative and go Rene Fris {I LOVE Shear Genius!} on me? Ugh! Just take off the damn inch and a half I asked for!” Sorry, but a bad haircut irritates me to no end. Especially because I have naturally curly hair and the right or wrong cut can make my hair life a complete H-E-Double Hockey Sticks for weeks and weeks. 

“Just need a trim, don’t mess too much with some of the layers,” I say to the girl. 

“Okay, you want to keep your length, right?”

“Yes, please. I just need to get those pesky flyaways taken away for a smoother look.”

“Sure!” And then with one fell swoop she takes her scissors and SNIP! There goes 3″ of hair to the ground. Um, hello??? Did I not just say a TRIM and not a WHACK to my head? Suddenly, I’ve become a living hedge and Sweeney Todd is taking her weedwacker and slicing away like my head needs to resemble the layers of an onion. To understand what 50 million layers will do to natural hair, especially hair like mine that has a schizophrenic curl that is somedays wonderful and other days kinkier than thigh high boots, adding multiple layers all over my head will result in me looking like an electrified French poodle. On a bad day. On a good day, maybe just a bit wilder than an 80′s Farrah Fawcett look. In either case, IT’S NOT GOOD. 

What does this mean? It means that now until my hair proceeds to grow out again to my normal length, I absolutely have to use my straightener just so I feel presentable. Which means I need to make sure I use “product” in my hair so the heat won’t damage it too much. Which I hate. Because it feels icky. And I hate feeling icky. Guess I just have to wait a few more weeks to get back to “normal” – hair that is. :)

4 thoughts on “Where’s my transvestite hairdresser when I need him?

  1. I would be feeling hateful myself. I have naturally curly hair, I have fine hair and I have a lot of hair so when I get a bad haircut, everything shows! As a former hair college student (graduated but never licensed) I find it irritating when people can’t tell and inch from 5 inches! There is a ruler on their comb for heavens sakes! Its not rocket science. I hope that it grows out fast! But on the up side, it looks great…

  2. Grr… I get so angry with hair cuts that don’t work out, esp. my side fringe, it’s so grr when they get a side fringe wrong, i cryed so much when i got a bad hair cut once. i hated it!!!!!!

  3. I never seem to get the same hairdresser. The last cut was early January. Wanted my hair cut so a curling iron could be used, sides covering ears. She suggested 3 inches so I said fine. do that all over my head. when she was finished my ears barely covered and nap of neck was about 1/2 inch. I did get use to it and now plan to get it cut again but it has been 4 months to get it to a length I wanted in January. Perhaps the way to get the cut you want is to take a photo when your hair is just as you like it and take it in with you.

    by the way, your hair is very nice.

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