A face as smooth as a baby’s bottom {ewwww}

Beauty, nowadays, has got us women quite on a hook. Every bit of marketing out there tells you how you can look younger, be slimmer, live longer, and have full pouty lips the rest of your days. It’s a huge industry that we all buy into and some have even turned it into a home business. You know who I’m talking ’bout – your Avon/Mary Kay/whatever business women.

For those trying to earn extra income at home with one of these ventures, I wish you nothing but the best. If you can actually make money doing it, then I am tres impressed. I should emphasize make money because it seems like everybody and their dog (yes, canines are into fashion, too, these days) is involved in some home based business or the like.

In my little area alone, I have three Mary Kay reps, two Avon reps, Cookie Lee, Discovery Toys, Usborne, and two other businesses I’ve never heard of (something to do with herbs??). I am invited to an “open house” or “Girls Night Out” at least once or twice a month, and while I would love to support you all, I have neither the means nor the funds to boost you up that much and that often. Aaaaaand low desire/interest in the product itself.

For instance, a dear lady in my Branch who is a bit older and was looking for something to occupy her time during the day, decided to become an Avon rep. She and I have been good friends for awhile – we chat, say hello at church or if we see each other in the neighborhood. She’s a sweet lady, she really is…but she is driving me bonkers with her Avon sales pushiness. Every three weeks she is at my door with a new catalog, asking me if I have any questions (“Yes, I have one: Could you stop bringing me catalogs, please?”) and I feel like I am forced to smile and be “excited” about the next great deal Avon has advertised.

Puh-lease. It’s Avon! It’s old lady stuff (um, yeah, no offense to anybody out there who loves it – it’s just not for me) and I’ve tried a couple of items just to appease her, but it still is nothing I’m very interested in buying. They – meaning Avon – are trying desperately to appeal to a younger crowd by marketing items from some girl from The Hills and having Reese Witherspoon be one of their spokesmodels now. They lost their cred with me when they signed up Jennifer Hudson to promote some skanky looking perfume. Whaaaaaat…???

Anyway, it’s not just this lady peddling her Avon wares that gets to me. It’s how many times I’ve had to listen to the same old spiel over and over again on how wonderful a product is, how it can “revolutionize” my face…oh wait. That was from a car commercial this morning. I meant “transform” my sickly complexion to something glorious, akin to the pictures they show you during a demo.

I still have to laugh at the Mary Kay demos I have been to. And I’ve been to too many to count over the past several years and please don’t ask me to attend anymore. I’ve reached my maximum niceness limit on pretending to be excited about products I don’t intend to buy. But I have to love the approach of the MK sellers. They have you sit around a table with your little palettes and mirrors, and while you try small samples of products, the MK rep starts to do her song and dance. One girl was so awful, she read everything VERBATIM from her “script” so that her supposed “natural reactions” were more robotic in nature: “Oooo, don’t your lips feel good? So smooth and without a hint of aging in them. Turn page. Oops, I mean, onto the next product.”

One of the funniest things to me is when the reps talk about how wonderful the face products are and how they keep you looking young forever. Now, I am all about taking care of your skin, finding the right products for you (and if MK products work for you, GREAT! I couldn’t be happier), but when they show me a picture of the 70 year old founder of MK (or however old she is) and ask the party assembled, “Wow, doesn’t she look beautiful? And it’s all from using her OWN products!” I just have to laugh. One time I think I actually snorted. I mumbled to the girl next to me, “Are you kidding me? Have they never heard of Photoshop or the fact that she makes millions of dollars so she can afford a little nip and tuck? Heyaaaah – right.” The woman was airbrushed to within an inch of her life on the photo I saw, and all the women around the table were oohing and aahing as if the products we were using were miracle creams sent from above.

The best part of the whole “spa afternoon” I get to enjoy? How about a sales pitch to actually become a rep! Oh yes! Please, may I? Because then I can compete with  my 46 other neighbors who are trying to do the same thing. Sheesh, have they ever heard of oversaturation?

To those of you who are reps, whether you are successful or struggling, I really do wish you the best of luck. I just can’t come to anymore of your parties because clearly, I’m on to you.

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6 comments

  1. Natalie · June 5, 2008

    Oh, yeah! The ‘verbatim’ lady! That was sad. When she was at my place I think it was her first time without a script. We got to the very end and she was like, “Oh, wait! I was supposed to do this exercise at the beginning! Okay, wait, okay guys, close your eyes. Now picture your nicest outfit. Wouldn’t you pay that much for your face? I mean, wait, how much did you spend for that outfit?” etc. etc. etc. torture.

  2. amanda · June 5, 2008

    Oh, I’ve definitely reached this point as well. There are a few things I’m sure about in this life: I hate srapbooking, I will never like flan, and I will no longer attend any parties where make-up or skin care is sold. If the place can’t pop the overhead for doors, windows and some good lighting, they’re not my kind of place.

  3. Rebecca · June 6, 2008

    I hate any type of “party” that is really designed to guilt me into purchasing something I don’t want. I don’t cook, so Pampered Chef parties are out. I barely wear makeup, so any type of makeup or skin care party is out. I don’t wear jewelry, so jewelry parties are out. And I hate scented candles, so they are out too. I hate them all and think they should be banned!

  4. kelly · June 6, 2008

    thanks heavens i don’t know anyone who sells anything. i don’t think i could be so nice.

  5. whitney · June 7, 2008

    I grew up across the street from the MK lady. So nice, sooo much makeup on.

  6. Susan · June 7, 2008

    Ang- I am SO glad that you called today! It was fun to catch up a little bit and fun to find out about your blog! Talk to you soon!

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