The Anti-Mothers Day

I hate Mothers Day. Now, before you go and freak out – possibly pass out – from the shock of that statement, let me clarify. When it comes to honoring the mothers I most admire in my life, Mothers Day is wonderful. I enjoy giving to those that I love and my own mother is somebody I love and admire very, very much. She deserves more recognition on a daily basis and not just one day a year to celebrate all the good things that she does. And the same with my ex-mother-in-law and her mother that I love and adore. I am extremely blessed to have such amazing examples of women who exemplify what it truly means to be a mother. Their characters, their hearts, their actions – they are the word MOTHER. But more commonly referred to as Mom. 🙂

But when it comes to me thinking about my capabilities as a mother and trying to celebrate or enjoy that day, I simply hate it. I’ve never enjoyed it since I became a mother and it’s possibly very terrible to admit this but it’s true. There has never been a job I’ve felt more unqualified for, that I feel like I only get right half the time (wait, that’s being generous), that seems to highlight my shortcomings, that chews me up and spits me out, and oftentimes leaves me feeling like a ragged doll with her stitching all askew. And one eye missing.

It’s hard to be a parent, it just is. It’s hard to let go of your selfish tendencies, to find ample amounts of patience day in and day out, to re-energize after working 9 hours so you can play with your son. There are days I just can’t do it, I honestly want to crawl under my bed and hide or get in my car and drive and drive until I’m away from everything. I feel too inadequate and only hope and pray that my pitfalls as a parent don’t stress out my darling, adorable, perfect little boy too much. He is the sunshine for me amid a bucket of clouds. His laugh can make my darkest moments brighten and seem like a distant memory.

Yet I still struggle with Mothers Day and perhaps I always will. There are other personal reasons which I keep to myself on why it can sometimes be a painful day but I will leave it at that. I do enjoy the little homemade or school-made gifts that I receive, given with such joy and anticipation – “Do you like it, Mom? Do you? I made it just for you.” I like the gifts that are Made Just For You. I guess if I can take anything from this day it is that I always try to work a little harder after this annual reminder that I am responsible for a little human being. I may be faced with a litany of “I should do better’s” during the day, but I usually pick an area to work on over the next year. And I can almost say with certainty that I’m somewhat better at it by the next Mothers Day. So I figure with the lengthy list of personal improvements I’ve compiled, as long as I live to be 768, I will be able to check each one off. Hmmm…I may just need to work a little faster…

Until then, I will just enjoy the little things I get to do with Caden. Like, when we both make funny faces – I like that.

 

I must say that I am glad that I have a reason to celebrate Mothers Day. Without this little boy in my life, I don’t know what I’d do or what I’d be. I’m extremely grateful to be able to have a little someone that I love and adore to call me Mom. Gee, I guess I do kind of like Mothers Day after all. 🙂

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4 comments

  1. Amanda (Mariotti) Calton · May 12, 2008

    Happy M-Day to you! I feel your pain, sista, I feel it. It is the most impossible job on the planet and I was never going to be this person with four kids and the stomach of a 65 year-old. Alas, I’m here, and I can’t imagine my life any differently. You are a wonderful mother – that I can tell. P.S. You look beautiful!

  2. angelbrew · May 12, 2008

    Aw, geez, you are too kind! Yet you should know that I am in constant awe over YOU with your adorable four kids (four?? do you really have FOUR??) and just how loved you can tell those little peapods are. It’s comforting to know we all have the same struggles, isn’t it?

  3. trishatruly · May 13, 2008

    It never gets a lot easier either!! All my “kids” are very much grown up and I still wish I was/could be a better parent to them all. When they were small I often felt that I had no patience for their little whiny, needy selves but then at night when they lay sleeping I would look at their little angelic faces and cry because I felt so bad about myself as a mother. I always promised myself I would do better the next day and sometimes I did! Not nearly always, just sometimes.
    Be kind to yourself. The fact that you try always to be a better mother to your son shows just how good a mother you are!
    Great blog!

  4. Matt · November 13, 2008

    Hello!

    I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I’d like to request permission to use a photograph of yours in this book. Please contact me at matt@wefeelfine.org, and I’d be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

    Sincerely,

    Matt
    matt@wefeelfine.org

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