I hate Mothers Day. Now, before you go and freak out – possibly pass out – from the shock of that statement, let me clarify. When it comes to honoring the mothers I most admire in my life, Mothers Day is wonderful. I enjoy giving to those that I love and my own mother is somebody I love and admire very, very much. She deserves more recognition on a daily basis and not just one day a year to celebrate all the good things that she does. And the same with my ex-mother-in-law and her mother that I love and adore. I am extremely blessed to have such amazing examples of women who exemplify what it truly means to be a mother. Their characters, their hearts, their actions – they are the word MOTHER. But more commonly referred to as Mom. 🙂
But when it comes to me thinking about my capabilities as a mother and trying to celebrate or enjoy that day, I simply hate it. I’ve never enjoyed it since I became a mother and it’s possibly very terrible to admit this but it’s true. There has never been a job I’ve felt more unqualified for, that I feel like I only get right half the time (wait, that’s being generous), that seems to highlight my shortcomings, that chews me up and spits me out, and oftentimes leaves me feeling like a ragged doll with her stitching all askew. And one eye missing.
It’s hard to be a parent, it just is. It’s hard to let go of your selfish tendencies, to find ample amounts of patience day in and day out, to re-energize after working 9 hours so you can play with your son. There are days I just can’t do it, I honestly want to crawl under my bed and hide or get in my car and drive and drive until I’m away from everything. I feel too inadequate and only hope and pray that my pitfalls as a parent don’t stress out my darling, adorable, perfect little boy too much. He is the sunshine for me amid a bucket of clouds. His laugh can make my darkest moments brighten and seem like a distant memory.
Yet I still struggle with Mothers Day and perhaps I always will. There are other personal reasons which I keep to myself on why it can sometimes be a painful day but I will leave it at that. I do enjoy the little homemade or school-made gifts that I receive, given with such joy and anticipation – “Do you like it, Mom? Do you? I made it just for you.” I like the gifts that are Made Just For You. I guess if I can take anything from this day it is that I always try to work a little harder after this annual reminder that I am responsible for a little human being. I may be faced with a litany of “I should do better’s” during the day, but I usually pick an area to work on over the next year. And I can almost say with certainty that I’m somewhat better at it by the next Mothers Day. So I figure with the lengthy list of personal improvements I’ve compiled, as long as I live to be 768, I will be able to check each one off. Hmmm…I may just need to work a little faster…
Until then, I will just enjoy the little things I get to do with Caden. Like, when we both make funny faces – I like that.
I must say that I am glad that I have a reason to celebrate Mothers Day. Without this little boy in my life, I don’t know what I’d do or what I’d be. I’m extremely grateful to be able to have a little someone that I love and adore to call me Mom. Gee, I guess I do kind of like Mothers Day after all. 🙂