I bet you didn’t know that IT has a silent “F” in it. Yes, it does, don’t argue with me on this point. I don’t want to get too graphic but I’ll let you guess at what the “F” stands for.
Who wants to talk about IT Support? BORING and utterly banal, I agree. But after spending the last WEEK (sorry, but I must talk in caps a bit here seeing as how it ACCENTS my FRUSTRATION) on the phone or on virtual chat sessions with our lovely IT Support in Costa Rica, I realize more and more that the ITS acronym for IT Support stands for “It’s Time, Stupid”. Time spent wasted on multi-hour phone calls, time spent watching a chat screen refresh over and over, time spent being completely unproductive because I’m talking with IT ALL the TIME.
My work laptop stopped connecting to the internet at home. The bloody barons of IT Security sent me some patches to download and “protect my system”. Fan-freaking-tabulous – my laptop crashes and suddenly it won’t recognize my internet anymore. I call IT:
Me: Hey there, I just uploaded a patch you sent over and my laptop crashed and now I can’t get online.
FIP (Freaking Idiot on the Phone): Did you turn your modem on?
Me (eyes rolling, fists clenching): Um, yes. I never turned it off. I’m telling you my laptop is not reading my wireless or wired connection.
FIP: Sounds like you may need a new router. Go get a new router and it should reset your system.
Me: You want me to go and spend money on a new router because of a patch you sent over that crashed my laptop? No, I don’t think so. My other home computer is connected fine to the internet so I know it’s not my router.
FIP: Have you tried a hard reboot?
Me: Of course.
FIP: Have you tried uninstalling and then reinstalling your wireless drivers?
Me (sighing): Yes, of course. I think something has gone wrong with the hardware, I don’t think it’s a –
FIP: Well, just try this ridulous solution here: stand on your head for 3 minutes while sipping green tea through a straw. Throw some salt over your shoulder and walk backwards around your house for 2 hours while singing “Sweet Chariot” and then light 8 candles – one for each hour I’ve wasted on the phone with you.
HOLY COW. Believe me when I say that there are more choice words I could very justifiably post about this experience other than Holy Cow. But I realize that certain young eyes sometimes peruse my insane ramblings and I wish them to forever remain in their innocence…until they watch a video clip of Flight of the Conchords on YouTube.
This morning I participated in Day 6 of the “Computer-Issue-that-will-never-be-resolved-because-IT-exists-solely-to-confuse-people-rather-than-help-them” scenario. They finally (FINALLY!) listened to me about it being a hardware problem and agreed that I needed some actual hands-on technical support instead of 50 logged pages of web transcripts and phone conversations.
“Thank you!” I exclaim in relief. “What do I need to do next or where do I go from here?”
“We’re sending you a ticket number to ship your laptop to Massachusetts.”
Ah. What a bunch of *#%@! Freakin’ IT Support…