“Begin at the beginning and go on until you come to the end; then stop”

I had a rather fascinating discussion with my trainer, Jane, tonight after she brought me to my knees with a killer workout. Jane and I, we are like two peas in a pod, both wondering what the heck kind of journey we are on at the moment and whether or not we’ll actually find true meaning in our experiences.

We both scratch our heads over the job situation. She debates over the merits of being a trainer, something she never thought to do, and something that does not really pay the bills. Yet she enjoys it immensely and loves helping people transform their lives. She knows it’s not a forever position but she knows she was placed there at the right time and in the right place for a very specific reason.

I know this too, because the day I met Jane at the gym, I had had a terribly awful, distraught-inducing, bang-my-head-against-the-wall kind of day. Well, week actually. I was desperate for someone to talk to without even being aware of it myself. Then there was Jane. Bubbly, warm, and entirely the most ridiculously easy person to talk to. I didn’t even know she was a trainer until 45 minutes into our conversation.

We’ve become fast friends and we talk about deeply meaningful things like spirituality, our own significance, the audacity to plan our lives out, and how to get killer rock hard abs. I feel like my sessions with her not only tone my body, they tone my soul. My very spirit is uplifted when I get done working out with her.

As Jane contemplates why she’s found this unlikely path of personal training (for the time being), I am contemplating a future of “What in the world am I going to do come January?” Yes, I have considered that it is entirely nutso to leave a job that loves me, that is begging me to move, that finally figured out what my areas of expertise were after placing me in all the wrong projects for the first 2 years of my career there. They really do adore me and that is high praise indeed for people who are notoriously competitive and seek to be the pedestal king or queen on a daily basis.

So am I crazy?

On the other hand, I feel as if I need to stay put, that something else will come along that will provide a whole new opportunity for me to grow and develop my career. Yet my discouragement is growing as I apply for job after job and have only had one interview–and not even for a job I really wanted.

Faith is such a funny thing. You don’t really think about it too much until it is tried. Believing in something without knowing the answer or the ending is sometimes a difficult pill to swallow when you see a bill come to your house every month and you are starting to wonder about the ability to pay them in short time. Logic says “Take the job you have! You can live by your sister! Experience a new state! Grow in your current position!” The opposite of logic? “Trust your feelings. Believe things will work out. Be positive and stay focused.”

Hmmm…

There is excitement in the unknown, not knowing what may be just around the corner. Still, there is contentment over knowing what I could mostly expect if I move. It’s one of the great moments of life–having two choices and knowing either one could turn out well…it’s just deciding which one to pick…

Crap.

Fancy Sundance

It was my last party at work. The last hurrah, the last time I would be able to do something really fun at a really cool place. At least for the time being. But last Friday night up at the Sundance Resort, we partied hardy thanks to the fortune of the pig. Yes, the PIG…because who doesn’t think of fortune and good luck when it comes to the pig?

I found these tiny glass pigs at Pier1 complete with a saying that the Germans believe the pig brings good luck and fortune. And from that I found my theme! I decorated with ceramic piggy banks on the tables (also from Pier1), rustic pig garland, star tealight lanterns (yes, from Pier1 – everything was on sale!), autumn leaf garland, and tons of white lights filling the Rehearsal Hall. Besides the ambiance, all attendees got 2 for 1 ski passes, the little glass pigs, and a caramel apple from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company. Pigs, they typically have apples in their mouths, right? So I told everyone that they needed to leave like stuffed pigs. I hope somebody got a picture of everything–because I was too busy being the emcee and hostess of the night!

The night didn’t start out too well, and I could’ve had pictures of my setup before the evening began. BUT fate seemed to overtake my plans for the day. Dang Friday the 13th. I usually love that day but being stuck on the freeway, 1.5 miles away from a massive 8 car accident, I sat for 1.5 hours. NOT MOVING. It took me 3.5 hours to get up to Sundance–and I was panicking that I would have no time to decorate! I got up there at 4:50 p.m. and 6 p.m. was when the dinner would start. Ai yi yi…but it’s amazing what you can get done when you just start grabbing waiters, banquet captains, early arrivers, and more to make everything beautiful.

I got a chance to talk to the speaker I brought in, Neal Petersen, who is this incredible South African guy who offers an inspiring message on having “no barriers” in life. He overcame apartheid, a physical disability, and more to achieve his dream of sailing around the world. He and his wife are so darling and they were thrilled to spend time up at Sundance, especially because it snowed. It was enchanting!

The best part was hearing that everyone who attended had a fantastic evening. I had kudos from top senior leaders, all the way up to the head of HR for Intel. It was extremely gratifying to hear that all of my hard work, weeks on end of designing and planning a perfect farewell party, was rewarded and appreciated. That really was the high point for me. Although, as hostess I did need to monitor the (ahem) alcohol intake of a few folks.

At the end of my exhausting day, I ended up passing out in a ridiculous Mountain Suite as a thank you for putting the entire evening together. Oh my gosh, I loved my room! What was so hilarious is that there were several books in the room you can read, and one grabbed my eye and made me laugh out loud: “I should be burnt out…”

Seriously, I could’ve spent weeks in this room…

 

So it’s me

I think I’m slightly weird.

Well, maybe weird is too…broad.

I am strangely affected by small things that I think actually mean something.

For instance, I have things that I say. You know, my own little catchphrases. If I hear of something that deserves celebration, you could probably hear the phrase “I was totally like yay!” come out of my mouth. Or “Hallelujah, happy day!” Both of these make sense to me. “Ta da!” and “Whoohoo!” fall in the mix there somewhere as well.

I don’t like spiders. No, that’s not the weird part. Who likes spiders? Unless they’re creepy and kooky themselves, most people abhor those 8-legged terrorizers. I hate ‘em, I smash ‘em, and I leave their dead carcasses out as a warning to other spiders. I imagine a spider coming upon one of their smooshed kin and thinking, “Whoa! I better stay away from this spider killing place!”

Weird.

I also think fry ends are deadly. And terribly crunchy. Just the really pointy ones, though. Square ends are perfectly acceptable. They get a non-lethal rating from me.

I have a hard time putting any nail polish on my hands that has color in it. I feel like I’m suffocating my nails. Color…it’s just so…heavy. But I do like a nice French manicure. Only the tips are really covered and can breathe because they are past the end of my finger.

Odd.

I think lots of thoughts so much on a daily basis that I have a hard time sleeping at night. I’m going on Day17 of where I can’t get to sleep until almost 1 a.m. and I’m up and bright-eyed and no, not really bushy-tailed, by 5:50 a.m. Lots of thoughts. Lots.

I also really like licorice.

But I think that’s pretty okay.

Caden said, "Smile, Mom! It makes you look beautiful!" Awww, that kid...

Dress up – for me and for him

This Halloween, things went a bit differently. There was no walking around going door to door trick-or-treating. Instead, Caden and I got to spend the evening out together with my Dad and Allison attending the U of U football game. I felt a little sad that we didn’t have the usual experience, but I asked Caden straight out if he wanted to go to the game or trick-or-treating. “Go to the game,” he replied with little hesitation. He did pick up some candy at our ward’s Trunk-or-Treat last Thursday, and some goodies before the game Saturday. So I didn’t feel like he missed out on too much.

It was obvious that this year I was preoccupied with other matters beyond Halloween as Caden didn’t even get his costume until four days before the big day. Of course, he did change his mind several times on what he wanted to be. First it was going to be one of the Three Amigos with his friends Bridger and Karson. Then he thought about Frankenstein -f or about 20 minutes. Finally he settled on Black Shadow Ninja. Well, that’s what he officially called it.

I had an idea on how I would’ve loved to make his costume but completely ran out of time and energy this year to do it. So thank you, Amazon, for having a costume that was $15 and could ship overnight for $4 thanks to my Amazon Prime membership.

Caden loved this costume, he even wore it to the U game as it was a Blackout Game – everyone dressed in a sea of  black and the players sporting black uniforms (which I rather like). I did spot a few great costumes, such as a giant chicken who danced during every time out, Edna from Hairspray (big burly guy dressed in a pink sequin dress? YES, you WILL stand out in a sea of black), and Waldo who was quite easy to spot considering his red and white striped shirt popped against a black background.

 

Sisters - we look so much alike...

 

We had a great time and Caden woke up the next morning with quite the hoarse voice from all of his screaming and yelling.

Having just spent time dressing up Caden, I can tell you what I’d most like to dress up in for myself right now. This quirky cardigan from Anthropologie:

I love look, the stitching, the buttons, the quasi-creative-head-in-the-clouds feel, and I love the name – the Wayward Cardigan. Perhaps because I feel so wayward at the moment. However, like most things of Anthro style, I do not love the price. Perhaps when it goes on sale in a couple of months I can tempt myself with getting it. Or not. Because I may not be employed to justify the expense.